Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Last blogged @ 11/14/2006 12:24:00 AM

Thinking through and through...

I know i am blessed. But does over blessing cause worries too?? This is what i am facing now.. I know i am thinking too much but stil i need to review some thoughts and experiences...

Received her reply this morning @0630. Her message was: U r welcome. It was a great party and i can see u r bless wif many friends and love ones. Wish u a very blessed life ahead.
I remembered once i message her that i already felt blessed by God afte accepting him into my life.. having God n u by my side is my greatest blessing n happiness. i definitely meant every words. I started to query on my passionate, my every efforts of love, every words of expression... i can say i m in quite a confuse state.. very contraindicating... just simply cant find the words to describe my feeling inside.. been feeding myself with God songs everyday, hope to find some inspirations someday...

Having "LOVE" in everyone has different meaning to it.. some wanted to felt the love, be blessed. some just crave for it, some just wanted to enjoy it, some wanted to abuse it, some wanted to make use of it, some wanted to feel they are exist, some regards as very important as in to move on in life and hold on to it and etc... as for me, i wanted very much of love cuz it keeps me warmth, to move on in life and something for me hold on.. currently, i am not very keen to have relationship love cuz it will hurt very badly if it is out of control and will not have anything to hold on if i lose it.. i exprienced it once. The feeling was damn terrible and felt very loneliness and empty.. I used to think that probably family love could last me but i was wrong.. Yes, most probably they wouldnt leave you in lurch but what if your relationship with them getting colder and drifter?? i know i am still blessed with a complete family, but also with lots of hurts, disappointment... At times, i rather have only someone for me to lean on, to understand me, to love me.. I had actually found that person but i think i cant possibly lean on her and cant expect her to love me as her own's.. unless she assured me, if not i would continuous feel the lack.. I also don know what i should do to help myself, proabably just need to wait for God arrangement...