Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Last blogged @ 1/20/2010 08:10:00 PM

After for so long....

I finally sit down and blog!! haha....

well.. as usual... many things happened every day...

Right now I am at the 7th week of my PRCP. I guess things are getting better now as i hope so. The thing that pissed me most is the work schedule. Whenever I mention it or ppl ask me related to my working schedule, it just trigger me off... As i thought about it, i have reasons why i am so frustrated by it. Before becoming a Christian, i have no problem in my schedule of course. So when I saw that i need to commit myself for church services and cell, it became slightly challenging but I wasnt very pissed by it because is kind of like cant be helped. I would try my best to attend if I could.


But now, is the opposite way... As I am serving more actively in church and had more committments, my current work schedule is not ideal for me at the moment. For example my (1)cellgrp on every friday and since the start of PRCP I was scheduled Pm shift that works till 9pm. (2)Usually i attended sunday service at 11am, but again I was scheduled Pm shift and got to rush straight after service. Not enough time to respond to God. So ending up attending saturday service which is the best.


Been missing my cell members. Ever since of my work schedule, I've been grumbling ALOT!!! really alot!! Until I got a complaining spirit... I find myself diffcult to focus on God for a short period of time and it feels awful. And I couldnt figure out why it is like that.. In my workplace, the patients that I took care of can be very challenging at times! Esp those patients who proclaim they are Christians but yet behaving in a weird and unacceptable to nurses. I was quite disturbed by them somehow and didnt know how i should appropriate my action to them. But well.. I am quite disgusted about myself for this situation too that i m not like that before when I posted to IMH for attachment. I should know better how and why they are behaving such ways and it is beyond their control. But... it just eats me up...

I am so sorry God.

Even though these are the down and diffcult times but God is good. He bless me with a wonderful partner during this season of my life.

This relationship comes unexpectedly. For people who knows me, will know that i am not desperate/ yearn for relationship that much. As i thought to myself, it would be good if i am single because I can serve God with all of my life! But of course i will be thinking and wonder if God really wants me to be single or married with someone one day?? So many times I have no answer from him, I would assume that I will be single... :P

Not until when God started to tickle my heart on November 09. I known him thru one of our youth car rally event in church. I am quite surprised thou because i usually dont fall for guy easily especially I became a Christian. To cut short the story, i prayed much and committed my feeling to God about how i felt towards him because i do not want to handle this alone and wanted God to correct me if it is not right. But well... the feeling grew stronger for him and I decided to tell my leader about it.

We developed our feelings quite quickly and both of us were very surprised due to his past and my past. But nevertheless, we had conversation over msn and somehow we got into this topic. Initially i was quite afraid to step into this relationship because i have many fears and concerns about a relationship. But God spoke to me that to go ahead for this relationship. I heard it clearly as He spoke to me before we confessed our feeling to each other. Even the Holy Spirit told me that "Ben likes you". I clarified with him and is true enough that there's a tickle in his heart as well.

I have been very blessed by this relationship. I felt so loved and somehow know that He is the one that I hope to live with for the rest of my life. Of course i prayed everyday telling God how i feel towards him and commit our days to him. He is praying too. But through this relationship, God revealed many ugly side of me also. But all of these draws me closer to God even closer because I know i needed much of his Grace and Mercy. As my perspective is, if the relationship is God-given, the couple should be drawing closer to God and not otherwise. I have learnt much from this relationship that I am not there to change my partner but to accept him for who he is even how bad thing seems. And though our spiritual walk level is different, both of us are committed in wanting to work things out together and spurring each other in our faith and love for Jesus Christ. It is quite tough and challenging at times but we knew it is not by our own strength but God alone. I can say he is the most ideal man as compared to my ex-bfs. And now i truly understand why it is so important to wait upon God to give us the man/woman he had prepared for us. With much prayers and waiting.(i dont mean list out all the criteria)
Of course i cant take things for granted as even marriage might be possible for us. Only God had the final say. But at the same time, even when God approves, he still gives us freedom to choose yes/no.

So God is good all the time. And all the time God is good!

Another 5 more weeks for my PRCP. But honestly speaking, i wasnt very keen after i graduate. My desire now is wanting to serve God in His house and having to see that his purpose in me fulfilled thru my very own's eyes.

So now is the waiting time. Waiting upon God's timming. And yes, my resolution for this year is to serve God in a greater capacity. I wonder if i would step into full time ministry this year??

No matter what I am going thru, Oh God I praise you for who you are. I praise you for my sadness and pains. I praise you and give thanks for the things that i am going through. Because i know you are using all situations to mould me into your beautiful princess. I just need to be patience.

I love you my Heavenly father!!

Love.